She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
