Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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