So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The power of my boobs compel you
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
