I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
