I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
