Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
