Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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