The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Randomize
