Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
