the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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