I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
organizing the empties. That sober.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
