Sponge bath it is.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize