And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
