Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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