So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I believe in your delicious
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize