so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
