I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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