so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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