if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
