fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
