every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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