You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize