JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
