the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize