My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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