you have to choose: penises or morals?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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