hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize