Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
