I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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