What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I will pee on everything he values.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize