believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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