you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
