'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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