Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
