carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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