dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
