dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
