I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
