White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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