Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
