I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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