Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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