im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
