i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
