I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
