I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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