let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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