You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
