This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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