Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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