i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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