they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
