My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
