It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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