Soap is not a condiment
dude i'm inner monologue high
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize