i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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