I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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