I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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