1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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