Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize