i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
