My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
