i think my tv is drunk
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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