there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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