Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
