i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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