The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
id be glad to
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
