so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Help. Why am I so naked?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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