Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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