mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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