I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
