my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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