Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
