I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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